Yikes…

Hey everyone, Happy April. I wish I had a joke but ain’t shit funny right now. (Sorry for the vulgar language.) The fact that it has been two months since I have posted anything is bonkers. I wish I could say that I have been working on various things, but the truth is that I’m still in a dump. It’s best to be vulnerable and share what I feel I’m experiencing and can help someone out.

Throughout my years living on this earth, I realized one of my greatest fears is being alone. It’s contradictory since I’m the only child, but that’s the reality. When you’re uncomfortable being alone, you allow disrespect, no matter how trifling. Trust me, I let some shit slide, but after a point, it just gets embarrassing. When repeated actions happen throughout different people, you internalize them, affecting your self-worth.

I often wonder, “Is something wrong with me? Should I change myself? Should I tone myself down? Why am I constantly losing people?” These negative thoughts don’t help in the era of social media, where anything and everything gets discussed even when it shouldn’t. Everyone is happy and thriving and has a friend on call, no matter what, on social media, so you have no choice but to feel miserable about cycling through life. Even with the aftermath of the pandemic, I have become so reclusive that I don’t think I will ever be the same. Am I the only one who feels that way?

Well, I am grateful for the fact that I am now at my limit with the subpar bullshit of people that I’ll rather be in solitude. I have tried most of my life to escape solitude, but it may be best for me. I’ve realized that you should not take ANYTHING that people do to you personally. You will not be with the same people forever, and that’s okay! That’s life! Now that I’m in my early 20s, everything will change consistently. With solitude comes peace. I have never heard of anyone in solitude having any confusion or drama. So, as much as I’m anxious, I’m also excited to see the result.

I sat with so much procrastination and depression to think about opening my laptop for 60 days. Still, I’m shocked that it took me little to no time to write all this. Also, my two most recent posts have been deleted while I was trying to reorganize my website. I appreciated the comments that I have seen, and I’m so, so, SO grateful to know that you guys enjoy what I have to share. I also restored my Tumblr so I can share more of what’s actually me; I’ll have the link below. Last but not least, I will be integrating new things on this blog, so this long hiatus will NOT happen again.

Thank you so much for reading this, and I hope you enjoy this small excerpt of a big hill in my life right now. I’ll talk to you all again soon! :*

** tumblr: maybeitsme.blog **